The Afternoon Nap

I took a nap this afternoon, and had an interesting dream. In the dream, my friend Fox and I went into a chat room, but this chat room was not confined to cyberspace-- it had somehow found it's way into Real Life. So it was like a party... but it was a chat room. However, nobody would talk to me or Fox. No matter how hard we tried, they just would not give us the time of day. Eventually we noticed that virtually everyone there was blonde and wearing a black scarf, so Fox and I theorized that this was why we weren't gaining acceptance... until we noticed that there were a few ladies besides us there that were not blonde nor were they wearing black scarves, and yet they were not experiencing the level of rejection that Fox and I were. So we pulled this particularly tall brunette aside to ask her what the deal was. But all she would say to us was "I'm a reg here. Everyone already knows me." And then she just walked away.
Suddenly, everyone decided to leave and began filing out of the room while poor Fox and I stood there saying "No, you can't go yet... we just got here... you haven't even given us a chance!" But nobody was listening to us. They all just left... all, that is, but one blonde-haired woman wearing a black scarf. Somehow, by this point, Fox and I and this blonde straggler that remained were suddenly in my apartment. The blonde woman was still not talking to me or Fox, and yet she was refusing to leave my apartment. I decided I was too tired to be concerned with her presence, and laid down for a nap, telling Fox and the blonde woman that they were welcome to do the same.
Next thing I knew, I was waking up (in the dream, not from the dream). I looked at my clock and it said it was 2:45. Then I looked toward my half-couch and saw my friend and the blonde woman both stretched out on it asleep. But my friend was no longer Fox... during my sleep Fox had apparently morphed into my friend Margaret, and she woke up as she noticed me getting out of bed. She asked me if I had any chocolate, and l told her no, so she started complaining to me that she needs chocolate and she just couldn't believe that I had none. I told her I was heading toward the store and that I could get some chocolate while I was there and invited her to come along with me. She said that sounded like a good idea, and I told her I need to find my wallet before we could go. In the mean time, the blonde woman was still laying on my half-couch looking almost corpse like and still not talking... or even moving.
Suddenly, a young woman came to my window and knocked on it. Margaret was closer to the window than I, so she went to the window and opened it. The young woman asked Margaret if she was Nancy Kujawa, to which Margaret replied no and then looked at me, but I was as confused as she was. The young woman then said in a nervous stutter 'N-n-never mind... S-s-sorry to b-b-bother you.' and then she walked away. Margaret closed the window and walked toward my closet while I continued searching for my wallet. Then I looked up to see that the young woman was at my window again. But just as I noticed her, she turned around and walked away once more. So I ran to the window and called her back. But while standing at the window, I could now see what Margaret was doing in my closet. Margaret was pulling all of my clothes off the hangers and throwing them in a garbage bag. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied "I'm cleaning."
Well, initially, the idea of Margaret cleaning my apartment was too appealing to argue with, and yet something didn't seem quite right. But I turned around to return my attention to the girl at the window, only to find that she'd once again left. I leaned my head out the window and called her back, and then it hit me that Margaret throwing my clothes in a garbage bag in the name of 'cleaning' did not make sense. So I turned toward Margaret and again asked her what she was doing. She said, "I told you... I'm cleaning." But this time I was like "No... just stop... leave my clothes alone and step away from the closet." Suddenly Margaret got all attitudinal and shouted "FINE!" and threw the clothes she had in her arms into my kitchen and then stomped away from my closet. I turned back to the window to find that, yes, once again... the young woman had left. I leaned my head out the window to call her back again, but this time she was no where in sight.
I was really pissed off at Margaret. I was curious about what this girl had wanted, and was thinking I would never know because of Margaret's silly antics. But I grabbed my coat and headed outside to see if I could catch up with the girl. Once I got outside, I realized there must have been some kind of bad storm. There were tree branches and even whole trees down everywhere. I looked around in amazement and noticed that the empty apartment next door had a tree branch through its window. As I got closer to it I noticed that there was actually a tree growing inside the apartment. I was amazed... I knew the apartment had been vacant for awhile, but didn't think it had been long enough for a tree to have grown inside. I looked through the window and noticed that some animals had also taken up residence in the apartment. I saw some kind of ugly, filthy, scrawny rat-possum thing looking at me and decided to back away from the window. I continued walking around the outside of the apartment, but as I looked back I saw a raccoon jump out of the window and head straight towards me. Following the raccoon was the ugly rat-possum thing. But the raccoon was right at my heals and wouldn't leave me be, so I started kicking at it. Suddenly, the rat-possum pounced on the raccoon... not as though it was actually attacking it, mind you... more in a playful way like kittens will do. Then the two animals chased each other down the driveway and across the street.
I realized then that I was standing in the middle of my parents driveway looking toward the street that I grew up on. But I had now idea why. Then I remembered I had wanted to go to the store, so I headed towards downtown Laingsburg. But once I got across the street, I realized a)I had never found my wallet, and b)Margaret was supposed to be coming with me. So I turned around to go back to my apartment. But... I wasn't near my apartment. I was outside of my parents' house. Yet I knew that I had just been in my apartment. So I started walking around my parents' house opening various doors that I encountered, thinking that one of them must lead to my apartment. This search for the door to my apartment went on for awhile, until I woke up (this time from the dream). I looked at my clock and it was 2:45 (bizarre coincidence? or excellent internal clock?). I was almost afraid to look toward my half-couch, but when I finally did, I was relieved to find that only my cat was sleeping on it.

Interview With Self

First of all Self, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your hectic schedule to sit down and answer some questions...
Oh hey... I'm totally happy to do it.
Great... now the first question I'd like to ask you involves pickles...
Ummm... pickles? Ok... (shrugs)
I've noticed there are times when you're totally into pickles, and then suddenly you'll practically shun them...
What? (laughs) Shun them? They're just pickles, for crying out loud!
And that's exactly the attitude that's been causing such an uproar with pickle rights activists...
Pickle rights activists? WTF???
Do you think it's fair to say that you see nothing wrong with enjoying pickles when you're in the mood for them and then just setting them aside on your napkin to be tossed in the trash when you're finished eating?
Of course I see nothing wrong with that... why would I? What kind of a joke is this? I need to have a talk with my agent for setting up this interview...
First of all, you have no agent... secondly, I am you...
No I'm not buying that... you're not me. You're not even a real reporter. You're one of those damned pickle right's activists, aren't you? That's what this is all about... you just came here to attack me and toss your self-righteous, pickle-worshipping attitudes in my face...

part of the machinery

::random haiku machine::

This random haiku generator comes up with some surprisingly insightful crap...

Examples:

most important thing
change nothing and continue
don't break the silence

hidden intention
cut a vital connection
simple subtraction

a matter of work
remove ambiguities
honor thy error