Interview With Self

First of all Self, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your hectic schedule to sit down and answer some questions...
Oh hey... I'm totally happy to do it.
Great... now the first question I'd like to ask you involves pickles...
Ummm... pickles? Ok... (shrugs)
I've noticed there are times when you're totally into pickles, and then suddenly you'll practically shun them...
What? (laughs) Shun them? They're just pickles, for crying out loud!
And that's exactly the attitude that's been causing such an uproar with pickle rights activists...
Pickle rights activists? WTF???
Do you think it's fair to say that you see nothing wrong with enjoying pickles when you're in the mood for them and then just setting them aside on your napkin to be tossed in the trash when you're finished eating?
Of course I see nothing wrong with that... why would I? What kind of a joke is this? I need to have a talk with my agent for setting up this interview...
First of all, you have no agent... secondly, I am you...
No I'm not buying that... you're not me. You're not even a real reporter. You're one of those damned pickle right's activists, aren't you? That's what this is all about... you just came here to attack me and toss your self-righteous, pickle-worshipping attitudes in my face...