Our future, with Dick & Jen (Metro Times Detroit)

Our future, with Dick & Jen

by Jack Lessenberry
10/11/2006


"Michigan is, by common consent, in terrible shape, thanks mainly to the domestic auto industry. What nobody likes to talk much about is that it will soon get worse, as the previously announced massive auto layoffs kick in over the next two years.

Last week Gov. Jennifer Granholm went toe-to-toe with Republican trillionaire Dick DeVos in the first of three televised debates. (There was another debate scheduled for last night, which, thanks to the Tigers' playoff game, was likely seen only by two paraplegics who dropped the remotes in Benton Harbor and Ubly.)

I expected very little out of the first debate, but watched it anyway, since I have no friends. What I imagined is that they would be like two skinny sumo wrestlers, cautiously pushing each other in a narrow ring.

In fact, it started even worse than that. The only issue that really matters in this state is the economy, and what we can do to avoid looking like a cross between Haiti and the poorer parts of West Virginia in a few years.

But instead, moderator Tim Skubick, who can come across as sort of an attack ferret, chose to begin by asking if they lied in their commercials. That led to several minutes in which each seemed to be auditioning for a remake of Mean Girls. ('You lie, I don't! You said I didn't meet with Honda! I have pictures of me meeting with Honda!' etc., etc.) Many viewers must have longed for the maturity of Lindsay Lohan. Eventually, however, the candidoids moved on to other topics, and gradually something became pretty clear, which was that Dick DeVos has no business running for governor of Michigan.

Within minutes, he demonstrated conclusively that he a) is a narrow partisan ideologue, b) has no grasp of how state government works, c) is a dangerous religious extremist and d) can't think on his feet."

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