I clearly have no "spiritual skills"...

I suppose it's no surprise, really. I never exactly considered myself a spiritual person, aside from a couple of years in my life when I thought I was in training to be a guardian angel. (what? it's not that crazy!)
Let's take a look at the individual traits indicative of spirituality, and see how I score..
a deep-seated sense of meaning and purpose in life -- NO
sense of belonging -- NO
acceptance -- NO
integration -- NO
wholeness -- not sure exactly what's meant by this one, so I can't say.
being self-reflective and honest -- I'd like to consider myself both, so one up for me:D -- YES
being able to remain focused in the present -- ummm... sure... as long as by present you mean my life time... but basically... NO
alert -- NO
unhurried -- YES! (who woulda thought I could get kudos for procrastination)
attentive -- I suppose I'm attentive to somethings... I'll give that a MAYBE
being able to rest and relax -- YES! I can sleep all day long! (and sometimes do)
developing greater empathy for others -- NO... oddly, my empathy for others seems to be decreasing as the years go by.
finding courage to witness and endure distress while sustaining an attitude of hope -- well life has taught me that I have the courage to witness and endure many, many distressful things... but while sustaining an attitude of hope??? Hardly! NO
improved discernment -- in general, maybe... in regards to their example... NO... I tend to speak when I should remain quiet, and remain quiet when I should speak.

clipped from www.rcpsych.ac.uk Spirituality involves a dimension of human experience that psychiatrists are increasingly interested in, because of its potential benefits to mental health. It is not necessary to hold formal religious beliefs, or engage in religious practices, or belong to an established faith tradition, to experience the spiritual dimension. spirituality is identified with experiencing a deep-seated sense of meaning and purpose in life, together with a sense of belonging. It is about acceptance, integration and wholeness. Spiritual skills include: being self-reflective and honest; being able to remain focused in the present, remaining alert, unhurried and attentive; being able to rest, relax and create a still, peaceful state of mind; developing greater empathy for others; finding courage to witness and endure distress while sustaining an attitude of hope; developing improved discernment, for example about when to speak or act and when to remain silent;

Still kickin'

Hey there... it's me again. Still alive... still not smoking... and still really bad at keeping my many blogs up to date. I thought today might be a good day to start updating them, tho. Or at least updating this one. Why? Because I'm trying to fight off the urge to rip off my clothes and run naked through the streets of East Lansing, and this seemed like the perfect way to keep myself otherwise occupied.

I was looking through some of my old posts. The one about Anna Nicole Smith's son dying caught my eye. I remember when that happened. Something about it seemed so weird and... unfair. Little did I know how much stranger the story was gonna get. Throughout the investigation into Anna Nicole's own death, throughout the fight over who would decide where she would be buried, and throughout the custody battle over her infant daughter, I thought many times about blogging about it all. I figured since I had made a post about the son death, might as well follow the continuing saga. But like most things in my life, I never got around to it.

If you look through my blog, you might notice that there's an awful lot of posts about my not posting in a while. When a person has nothing more to say other than mentioning that they've had nothing to say, is it really worth maintaining a blog? let alone... how ever many blogs I have now... I don't even know anymore. The answer is yes... yes it is. Cuz if I didn't have all these blogs, what would I do on days such as today when I need something to prevent me from breaking the law or otherwise going against the long established norms of society? Hmmm... actually, I go against the long established norms of society on a daily basis regardless... but I don't like breaking the law. So instead, I blog.

Quit Smoking AGAIN...

...perhaps this will be the last time I'll need to.
I smoked for 20 years, which is more than half of my life, and I'm really ready to quit and put my health first.
So far, I've been without a smoke for 10 days, and while I occasionally feel I want to smoke, a combination of nicorette and cinnamon sticks helps satisfy those urges. The nicorette obviously provides me with the nicotine my body has become so addicted to, while the cinnamon sticks make a nice roughly cigarette sized substitute to hold on to and suck on, etc.
I'm not planning on following the recommended treatment plan for nicorette this time, as last time it just left me addicted to the gum, and I then had to use the patch to get off the gum. At that time, those were the main nicorette placement therapies available. Now I could see myself going through a cycle of addiction to various nicotine products... the gum... the patch... commit lozenges... that little puffy inhaler thing that's available by prescription only... back to the gum, etc. But I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm already working on weening myself off nicorette by substituting regular gum for it when I can. I will probably always need something to hold in my hands and/or stick in my mouth, tho. And I don't mind that... as long as it's not cancer causing.

Lost Hope

Wow... the summers seem to be going by faster and faster every year. So much I wanted to accomplish this summer, and I've done... nothing. NOTHING!!! So much I wished to accomplish in my life, and I've done nothing.

I turned 38 one week ago. Do I feel 38? I dunno... I've never been 38 before, so I've really nothing to compare it to. But I will say this -- I feel like I've let my life pass me by. I feel young at heart, yet weary and beaten and oh so jaded. Tonight, my 20 year high school class reunion will be heald... but I won't be there. I've no money to pay the $50 cost. No car to take me there and back. No spouse or children to show off. No degrees or career to boast about. In short, I'm still living the same now, 20 yrs after graduation, as I did at 19, one year after graduation. The only real difference -- at 19, I still had hope.

Quitting Smoking?

The doctor has placed me on Wellbutrin XL. Wellbutrin is the marketing name for the anti-depressant bupropion, which is also marketed as a quit smoking aid under the name of Zyban. The exact reason for the doctor prescribing this for me is unclear. She said it would help with my depression AND help me to quit smoking. We had discussed my mood, as I was seeing her about getting my Zoloft prescription refilled. And we had also discussed my cutting down smoking (as we do everytime I go to see her). When she left to get my Zoloft script, she came back with a script for the Wellbutrin, too. So... I just started on the Wellbutrin this morning. I will be taking one 150 mg Wellbutrin tablet every morning, and I will also continue to take 200 mg daily of Zoloft, but I will now be taking the Zoloft at night rather than in the morning. So far, I notice nothing from the Wellbutrin-- neither a lift in my mood nor a reduction in my cravings for cigarettes. But it is only my first day, so we'll see how it works out as it continues to build up in my body over the course of the next month or so.